Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles and how we relate to others

Edward John Mostyn Bowlby⁽¹⁾ (London, 26 February 1907 – Isle of Skye, 2 September 1990) was a British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest in child development and his pioneering work on Attachment Theory..

Attachment theory, proposed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, argued that a child's attachment to a primary caregiver could affect relationships later in life. Attachment refers to the emotional bond that develops between a child and an attachment figure (usually a caregiver) and is based on the child's needs for safety and protection, which are fundamental to their survival in childhood. Bowlby explained that the attachment style you develop as a child would later translate into the same attachment style as an adult.

Intimate relationships between adults are very different from those between an infant and caregiver, however, the fundamental principles of attachment theory can still be applied to these relationships.

Mary Dinsmore Salter Ainsworth⁽²⁾ (December 1, 1913 – March 21, 1999) was an American psychologist known for her work on emotional attachment and the development of attachment theory. From her research it has become generally accepted that there are four attachment styles:

Anxious/Preoccupied – People who generally have low self-esteem and are overly considerate of others. They seek intimacy and security from others, but have difficulty trusting and may worry about their partner’s behaviors and intentions. They tend to be overly dependent on the relationship.

Avoidant – People who tend to have a positive view of themselves, but view others more negatively. They value their independence and may become nervous if someone gets too close to them. They may often choose to avoid relationships altogether.

Secure – Someone with this attachment style will generally have a positive view of themselves and others. They are comfortable with close relationships and can trust their romantic partners.

Fearful/Disorganized – People who generally desire close relationships but are uncomfortable with closeness and have difficulty trusting others. They are often afraid of getting hurt by getting close to others, so they may choose to avoid relationships.

The attachment style you develop in early childhood is thought to have a lifelong influence on your ability to communicate your emotions and needs, how you respond to conflict, and how you form expectations about your relationships.

While the attachment style you were raised with doesn’t explain everything about your relationships and who you become as an adult, understanding your predominant style can help explain the patterns you notice in relationships.

So, can you identify which of the four styles you most closely fit into the above characteristics? It’s helpful to learn about the different attachment styles and how you behave in your relationships with others, as well as how to begin to overcome an insecure attachment. Identifying your partner's attachment style is also a good starting point for understanding them better.

Flower essence therapy and the practice of affirmations can be extremely helpful in overcoming the difficulties arising from an insecure attachment style and bringing you closer to a more secure style in interpersonal relationships, where there is greater balance between the way you see yourself and the way you see others.

Sources:
⁽¹⁾https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bowlby
⁽²⁾https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Ainsworth
Attachment Styles In Adult Relationships
https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment-styles.html



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